Unfortunate Fortune Cookies: Count Your Days, Panda Express…
The other day, I was with VP of Tech Meetings and we got Panda Express together (or more like he bought it for me). As usual, each order comes with a fortune cookie.
I’ve shown before how my luck is with this type of stuff. Some may remember my “Three Stupid Monkeys” fortune thing.
A little back story, at the Awards Ceremony I hosted a few weeks ago, I also had another run in with a Panda Express fortune cookie along with VP of Tech Meetings. Nearing the end of the event, I’d pulled out a leftover cookie I had from my lunch that day. Since VP of Tech Meetings was right next to me, I came up with an idea. I was still scared of my bad luck and was scared of getting a bad fortune so I proposed a mini game with him. We’ll each grab a side of the cookie and break it in half like a turkey’s wishbone on Thanksgiving. Whoever’s half carries the fortunate piece of paper, will be granted its blessings. And if the paper just falls on the floor, we’ll rock-paper-scissors for it. (If it was a bad fortune like how I thought it’d be, I wanted the chance to have somebody else take it rather than it be bestowed upon me. Sorry, VP of Tech Meetings.)
We broke the cookie and the paper stayed in VP of Tech Meetings’ half. With worried eyes staring right at the note, I asked if he could read the fortune out loud. Was I able to successfully dodge a bullet? Should I feel remorse for backstabbing him in a way?
The fortune read:
“You are destined for success and happiness.”
Motherfucker.
I punched him right in his stomach. My fortune… the best fortune out there…. AND I GOT IT STOLEN FROM ME. It was my own fault and that’s what made it hurt even worse. I don’t know why my instinct reaction was to punch him.
ANYWAYS, this comes back full story to a few days ago. Again, me and VP of Tech Meetings were having lunch together. He opened his cookie and read his fortune first. Honestly, I have no fucking memory of what it even was. I was too busy anticipating what mine was going to be. His was probably something good since I remember him smiling about it. After he read his, I hastily broke open mine. I will not have my fortune stolen from me this time!
“Your sense of humor will get you through difficult times.”
Pass me the gun. Since God loves playing with me like this so much, I’d rather just end it right here, right now. SERIOUSLY??? It’s not even a fortune. It’s more like an omen saying, “Tough shit’s coming but at least you’re funny.”
I give up on fortunes. It’s better if I never touch one to begin with. Either way it seems like a double edged sword now.
TLDR: I’m unlucky and God is testing me.