The Birthday Disaster
Last year, for my 22nd birthday (before I started feeling annoyed at them), Smartie, Baby, and Boss Man wanted to meet up and celebrate. We were on a FaceTime call talking about it, but I expressed that I don’t want to do anything because I didn’t want to inconvenience Smartie and Baby to drive 2 hours down just for me. Smartie then suggested that we rebrand the birthday celebration as just a ‘hang out’ so I wouldn’t feel so pressured. Although I expressed my gratitude and thanks, I still told the group I didn’t want to do anything grand and would rather just have something small. I told them I’d really rather appreciate if everyone FaceTime called together on my birthday and sing me ‘Happy Birthday’ as I blow out candles on my slice of birthday cake. Boss Man adamantly declined saying, “Lia, that's depressing as fuck. If you called me on your birthday for that, I wouldn’t even pick up.” I see her point but that's really all I wanted. The other chimed in agreement with Boss Man.
They, ahead, started to search for dinner places around the area and started listing out different restaurants. I was still uncomfortable with the idea, because I still felt that it’s all just a big inconvenience for everyone to set apart time and money just for my birthday. There were some ideas that I liked such as a mini cafe that served tea and finger-sandwiches, but the idea was shot down after it was made known that the parking there was terrible. Other than that, the other places just didn’t stick out, and I was still unmotivated after feeling like it would just be a burden to everyone. After a while, Smartie speaks up and says, “Lia, can’t you see we all want to spend time and celebrate your day with you? Everyone’s putting in effort but you’re not even giving us your input.” Out of fear, I chose the last place that was thrown out. It was Boss Man’s suggestion at an all you can eat Brazilian steakhouse. From what Boss Man was describing, it’s a place that neither me or the sisters have been to yet, so I quickly pointed my finger at that.
We settle for that restaurant, made reservations, and solidified the plans for a Saturday that was week and a half later.
2 days later, Smartie and Baby announce in the group chat, that the plans to go to the Brazilian steakhouse wouldn’t be possible due to their dwindling banks accounts. That makes sense as each ticket in would be ~$70. They want to relocate for a different place, but I’m already anxious as it is and now knowing their situation, it makes me feel even more worse thinking that they’ll have to spend money on my birthday when they’re already in a tight space. I try texting the group chat saying meeting up isn’t necessary. I reinstate my original idea with the video call and singing ‘Happy Birthday’, but was instead met with barrages. That really was all I wanted, and that enough would’ve made me happy but, but instead, I get messages such as:
“I’m not participating. That’s sad”
AND
“Lia you need to stop saying that”
AND
“If you really want to do the FaceTime then that will happen. We said we can go to the mall instead but why are you always making it so extreme and saying we shouldn’t hang out anymore to celebrate your birthday. That’s literally not what we said nor what we want”
That was the text Baby sent, and a mini argument then proceeds to ensue. I try to explain my feelings to them, but Baby says that it now makes her feel guilty if we don’t meet up. In Baby’s words:
“But what I’m trying to say is that not going at all because of our budget makes me feel bad and also guilty, because it kinda feels like it’s all because of me that i can’t really afford to go to the steakhouse that we can’t celebrate at all now, which is not what we want, you know.”
I apologize for making her feel that way, but continue to explain that meeting up will make me feel pressured or that it feels like I’m “forcing” them to make such a sacrifice just to meet me. And Smartie responds, “It’s not that deep.” So, I just drop it and choose a random place that was equally nearby and was more budget-friendly. The date of the plans is still the same as before, and everyone ends that conversation ‘happily’.
A few more days pass by and I continue to think about the plans. I then get the great idea to just host the birthday celebration at my house! I planned it in the sense of a potluck, so everyone can bring in a dish/drink/snack they either bought or made, and we’d all enjoy it at my house. Since it’d be hosted at my house, I’d take the brunt of having to prepare the most dishes, but that was fine. By doing this, it also helped Smartie’s and Baby’s budget situation since they wouldn’t need to prep too much. Also since we’re in my city, I could show them around, go to the theaters, or go to the river nearby to paint or something. Around that time, 2 anime movies just released, and the whole premise of the two movies is that the ending will change depending on which order you watch the movies, and I was planning to bring up those movies as an option if there wasn’t anything good at the theaters. To add, I really enjoyed the show “Sailor Moon” ever since I was a kid, and planned to buy an array of Sailor Moon birthday hats, decorations, paper plates, cake toppers, etc…
I bring this idea to them and they all like it! They even throw in the idea that we should all dress up to take nice photos to commemorate the day. By then, it was already Tuesday evening, so I put the plan into full motion. I started going on Amazon and bought all the decorations with expedited shipping. I speed dialed my mom to let her know that guests will be coming over that weekend, and she equally gets excited for me and planned to make a traditional soup for us to eat. On Wednesday, I was out on grocery runs to start prepping ingredients. As I was buying some stuff, I kept the girls updated with what I was purchasing and what food ideas I had. Boss Man had even preordered a cake from my favorite bakery!
That night, I get a text in the group chat from Smartie saying, “Hey guys I hate to be this person but i think we have to reschedule this Saturday…any of you guys free to call? “
It was like for that second my heart stopped beating. Not like it died, but in that one second, the whole world stopped spinning and everything was at a standstill. Everyone gets on call ASAP, and Smartie starts it off by saying, “Sorry Lia, but I’m going to put myself first…” It turns out she didn’t time manage as well as she thought she could. She said there were too many projects and homework deadlines coming up to make time to come to the party. Mind that the date never changed this whole time we’d been switching up the plans. But, either way, if she wasn’t coming, her sister wasn’t coming either, and if none of them were coming, Boss Man wouldn’t come too, because who’d want to show up to such a lonely party like that? Smartie does apologize, but then proceeds to laugh and say, “Damn I’m glad I didn’t start buying anything yet.”
The rest chime in with laughter and agreement, but I guess Smartie acknowledged my quietness and awkwardness. She asked me what was wrong, and I tried to say it in a lighthearted manner to not dampen the mood and told them about the ingredients I already bought. Her response? “Okay well then you can just freeze it. We’ll reschedule the party and you can use the ingredients then.” A logical argument, but emotionally, I didn’t want to do it anymore. The excitement is gone, especially after I didn’t want to do anything in the first place, and they still kept pushing for it just to cancel on me after getting my hopes up. I gave an excuse that the ingredients won’t be as fresh and dishes won’t taste as good, so Smartie rebuttals, “Okay then you can just cook those dishes for your family to eat.” Again, a very logical argument. Except for that fact that, and you guys know this, my family is very picky. The dishes I was going to make were going to be too out-of-their-culture for them to eat, let alone even try. But, I hate it when the girls get mad, and I hate it when we argue, so I just silently agree. They then try to reschedule the party for a different day and I just mindlessly agree as the call ends, knowing that I’ll probably make an excuse a few days beforehand to cancel it because I don’t have it in me to tell them my true feelings now. I guess I didn’t need to since a few minutes later Smarties texts again saying that she’s busy on the rescheduled day anyways. And even till now, we haven’t done anything for my missed birthday party.
After the call with the girls, I speed dial my mother again to warn her not to buy any groceries. By now, it’s close to 1 in the morning and I explain to her the situation while she’s away in another city. At this point, I just start bawling my eyes out to her with a nasty string of snot going past my chin, but all she can do is comfort me through the phone.
That morning, even my cousin asks me if I was alright because she heard some noises in my room that night. …hehehe… With the ingredients, I couldn’t even look at them anymore and just tossed it in the trash, and just returned all of the decorations back to Amazon.
To me, the sad part is that I couldn’t argue with them. For whatever I had to say, I know they’d have a logical argument. Smartie really was busy, and of course her academics come first. They already apologized and tried to reschedule. If anything, I’m just being too emotional, because, as Smartie would say, “It’s not that deep.” Right?
TLDR: I was forced to celebrate my birthday, and when I started actually enjoying it, the girls ripped the rug right under me.