Sunday

My family is Buddhist. I understand religion is a safe haven for multiple people. I don’t believe in that stuff. I think we just live, die, and rot in the ground. Ghosts… I’m not so sure of, but until I get a direct paranormal experience, my views will stay unchanged. Some people want an explanation to the universe’s mystery and decide to fill in the missing holes with the answer of a ‘higher power’. I won’t look at you differently or treat you worse if I hear that you believe in some type of religion. It’s not really my business what you do or what you believe in, so it’s not something I care about (that is unless you’re trying to shove it down my throat).

When I was younger, my mom would drag me with her to temples every Sunday. I hated it because it felt like I was doing volunteer or charity work. For others that actually believed in the cause, this was just them helping build their community. For me, it was being forced to do work. I’m very lazy glutton. Still to this day, it makes no sense to me to do charity/volunteer work. Why would I do something for free when I could be paid for this same job somewhere else? I’m the type of person where my only contribution to this church/temple is money offerings and not any actual blood, sweat, and tears. I would much rather throw money to the situation in place of getting my hands dirty.

Anyways, no one in my family has really gone to temple consistently for about 7 years. After moving houses, it would be a 2 hour drive to go back to that temple. We tried in the beginning, but got tired of the drive really fast. Nowadays, my mom has tried to find her faith again and has been making an effort to go back.

One of the men that regularly go to the temple, is a type of tech guy. Our computer has been broken for a while, so last month, when my mom went to temple, she brought the broken computer along with her so the tech guy could bring it home and take a look at it for us. Fast-forward, turns out it was too broken to be fixed and was more cost efficient to just buy a new PC. Last Sunday was supposed to be the day for my mom to go pick up the new PC at the temple.

If you want to get there on time for prayers and meditation sessions, you’d need to be out of the house by 7 AM. My mom is a night owl and sleeps by 2 or 3 AM. I knew for a fact she wouldn’t be up by then. That morning, I went in her room and told her I could go get it instead if she wants. She’s a night owl, but I’m an even later night owl. I’d normally fall asleep by 11 AM or 12 PM. I did the math in my head and calculated that just going up to temple, getting the PC, and driving back home, I be back in bed just in time by 11 AM. She agreed happily, and I set out to my lone road trip.

I got to the temple by 9, right on time for prayers, and all the adults were shocked to see me. Within the last 7 years, I have popped in before, but usually to volunteer prepping food for any major events/celebrations, and I’d be there with my other temple friends, so I was never really alone. This was the first time I was there, alone, without friends or family, and on a normal Sunday. My plan was to grab the PC and go, but obstacles occurred.

Since prayers were just beginning, I can’t ask tech guy to get me the PC from his car because, you know, he’s busy praying. And, also, it’s customary to greet the headmaster once you arrive, so any little time I had to find tech guy before prayer session started was foiled. Maybe if I got there just bit earlier, I would have time to both greet the headmaster and find tech guy, but nope.

I tried to get out of the prayer session by staying outside the prayer room. When I was there volunteering on the other days, I would be in the kitchen to prep for celebrations and would skip the prayers. That, or when I was with my friends, we would sneak out of the prayer room and explore the temple grounds in search of a hidden hiding spot. But, tech guy’s wife found me.

Tech guy’s wife and her family are devote Buddhists and very loyal to that temple. Every summer she shaves her head and her whole family’s head to participate in the temple’s annual summer retreat, and they have never missed a Sunday with the temple. They contributed over thousands of hours of their blood, sweat, and tears, and over hundreds of thousands of dollars into renovating the temple.

Anyways, I was stuck, and this was by first time praying in 7 years. I forgot how tedious it was. The temple isn’t rich and doesn’t get much donations from followers outside their main group of devotees that willingly come every week. The prayer room is small and stuffy. Prayers go on for an hour and it’s full of standing, half bows, full-body bows, kneeling, standing some more, and more bows. By the end of it, I was so dizzy I thought I was going to throw up. All the other adults praised me about how good of a Buddhist I was. They thought I wanted to find my faith again and willingly came back to be a good devotee. All I could do was stand and smile while thinking “I wanna get that PC and bounce.” Even the headmaster put me on the spotlight and complimented me at the end of the prayer session; speaking how good of a disciple I was, to make the long drive, and to find my love for religion again. All the other monks and nuns turned around to look at me while all I could do was sheepishly laugh and smile. There was maybe 30 pairs of eyes on me in that room and man I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

After prayers, there’s a small debrief and I was able to talk with tech guy. He asked me how long I was planning to stay, and I told him I’d stay as long until I get the PC, but that he doesn’t need to rush. I was catching up with old faces as they asked me how I’ve been. I wanted to make my escape outside but kept getting caught up with old acquaintances. One of the nuns asked for my help carrying a giant piece of equipment inside of the prayer room. Who am I to reject a nun’s plea for help? All the other people are middle aged ladies. I’m the only healthy, strong-boned individual there.

I helped her carry it in, and as I was planning to turn and leave, I learned that I was caught in a trap. All the other nuns/monks/disciples were already in positions for the meditation session. Some had their eyes on me, and even though I really hate to, I also had my mom’s reputation on the ground and was basically carrying my family’s name for today, so I pulled up a mat and sat down like an obedient Buddhist follower.

Ever since I was little, I was very inflexible. (P.S. that also means I’m really stiff in bed haha but that’s besides the point). I could never meditate correctly and have my feet in the lotus positions, so I had to result in the ugly ‘criss-cross applesauce’. After not meditating in so long, my feet started going numb and hurting like crazy. Meditation lasts 30 minutes with an extra 15 minutes of massaging your body awake (there’s a whole process to it).

Finally, hoping this is the last time, I try to make my escape again. There’s another debriefing period and I take this opportunity to go. I stand up to leave, and tech guy’s wife is standing right in front of me, staring at me with a blank face. I thought maybe she had to go around me or something so I try to make room but she doesn’t budge. I get the hint a little, and make an excuse that I need to go outside for a drink of water. Still looking at me dead in the eyes, she tells me “Honey, they’re a water fountain inside of the prayer room. You don’t need to leave.” Even if she tried, she is not subtle with her message at all. I have no excuses and am stuck inside once again.

The next session is listening to the headmaster preach stories of karma and good luck and Buddha’s teaching. I’m not too knowledgeable about it because, even when I was a kid, this was the one session I always ran away from. This is really more catered for the adults anyways, but 7 years later, guess who’s now an adult?… 🙃. This session is AN HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTES. Half way through, I was at my breaking point. We still had to sit ‘criss-cross applesauce’ throughout this session as well, and my legs were not recovered at all from the meditating session we just did. So, after 45 minutes, I had to give up, and quietly excuse myself out.

There was some chairs outside of the prayer room that I took comfort in. As badly as I wanted to leave, I was still holding my family’s name on the line. At least this way, I could hear the headmaster’s preaching but be able to simultaneously scroll on my phone out of eyesight from everyone else. Tech guy eventually found me and brought along the new PC. He told me he was look for me after our conversation to hand it over to me but, “I figured you got stuck.”

I struck a plastic smile and responded, “Yea, your wife wouldn’t let me leave.” We went over on how to connect the PC to the monitor and by the time we were done, the preaching session had also ended. Tech guy’s wife came out and put me in a head lock, literally, while whispering in my ear asking about my disappearance from the temple all these years. All shits and giggles. She then tries to passive aggressively get me to stay for lunch. I tell her about how I haven’t slept yet and how tired I am, but man, she has a response for everything. This lady won’t let me off the hook. She urges me to stay, to play with her kids (ones that barely even remember of my existence) and that I can sleep at the temple after lunch. She won’t back down no matter how much I tell her I just want to go home, and tells me she’ll get to the kitchen first to make me a bowl of food. I take this opportunity to make a run for it.

I grab the PC and ran to the parking lot. Right before leaving, I turn over to tech guy and ask him if he thinks his wife will be mad at me. He responds, “Oh yea, she’ll be mad, but we rarely see you once a year, so she’ll probably forget by the next time we meet.” So with his blessing, I charge to my car and zip out of the parking lot. I didn’t expect to be at the temple for an extra 4 hours so I left my Starbucks in the car that morning. My iced matcha tea latte with oat milk, 3 pumps of brown sugar, and vanilla sweet cold foam was boiling hot. Normally, the color is supposed to be a pastel green, but the top started looking…brown. Whatever, it was fucking $8 so I’m not letting that go to waste and I chug it on my 2 hour ride home.

So, let’s recap; I haven’t slept yet and have basically pulled an all-nighter, prayer and preaching sessions are boring and suck the life out of me, meditation sessions are supposed to calm you down and keep you peaceful, and now I’m hitting traffic on the way home and only going 55 mph. All of this added together, I’m fucking tired when I’m driving home. My eyes feel heavy and droopy the entire time. Music is doing no good since I have it set to a ‘chill songs’ playlist, and I’m too scared to take my eyes off the road to reach over to my phone and change it. My ETA is hitting the last 15-20 minutes and this is the home stretch. This isn’t like the movies where it begins with slowly blinking eyes, before accidentally falling asleep behind the wheels. I’m entirely conscious the entire time and staring straight ahead (just with heavy eyelids). Out of nowhere, my head falls down to the side as if I lost all self-control in my neck, and that jolts me upright. In that tiniest split second, I was unconscious. I blacked out and the only reason I woke up so fast was because the weight of my fat head falling down helped shock me awake. I was lucky that it didn’t affect my hands on the steering wheel. Worst case scenario, I could’ve swerved across all the lanes and accidentally crash into another car. I, personally, have also had really bad luck with car, because in the year I got my license, I was in 6 car accidents; 1 really bad, 3 pretty bad, and 2 minor mistakes. (Hmm maybe those stories would make good diary entries).

So, my life lesson from that day, ‘you are not as good as you think you are’. I thought I was conscious enough to drive back home, but I was proven otherwise.

TLDR: I went back to a temple for the first time in a while and fell asleep behind the wheel.