Quitting or Being Lazy

Today, I’m meeting up with Club President. I told her I had something to give her and that I had some questions about the club. When I see her, I’m going to trick her into playing a game of heads or tails with a coin, and let her take her pick first. If she wins, I’ll stay in the club. If she loses, I’ll resign from my position. I have each outcome ready. If she wins, I’ll lie and give her some stickers I got at that anime convention and ask her questions about the company sponsors. If she loses, I’ll ask her if I did anything wrong on Immersion Day that made everything so hectic, and I’ll hand her my key to the clubs storage unit. I’m typing this in my class right now and I’m going to see her in 3 hours.

Why don’t I just quit? Because there’s also pros to sticking as a board member. It’ll give me some type reputation in the field, and having this position on my resume can help boost my stats. I’m not going to quit being a member completely. I’m just not going to be an officer. There’s so many pros and cons, and I can’t make a decision, so I’ll just leave it up to fate. Maybe I’m just too used to being some pushover. Ooo that brings up a side tangent.

-Side tangent-

The other day, I was at Chipotle with my family. When they were eating at the tables and weren’t noticing, I went back in line to get a side of their vinaigrette. The line stretched to the door and one gentleman had came in. He asked me for money, but I explained to him that I don’t carry cash. He asked me to buy him a meal instead, and I agreed. While we were waiting in line, he went up and down the row asking people for money. When we got closer to the front, he asked me if he could order 2 portions, but I told him I only had enough money for one. We started ordering and since my side was small, I stepped to the end to prepare to pay. When he was getting his food, I wasn’t paying attention to what he was getting. Usually a bowl at Chipotle would be around $12. He asked if he could get a drink and I allowed it. HIS ORDER WAS $26. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN? I was gobsmacked but it was too late to back down now, so I just paid for it. Like the dumbass I am. I feel like I got swindled. It would’ve been so much cheaper to just give him cash at that point. OH AND HE DIDN’T EVEN SAY THANK YOU. HE JUST WALKED OUT WITH HIS BAG OF FOOD.

You’d think I’d learn my lesson but nooooo. The next day (yesterday) I was at the Starbucks on my campus. Because of my dwindling wallet, I only got an iced water (which costs nothing) to cool me down from the heat. As I sat down to wait for my name to be called, I sat across an older man (maybe 30’s). We make eye contact and he strikes up a conversation with me. He asks me what type of Asian I am, and surprisingly carries a conversation with me in my native language. At one point during the conversation, he asks me for some money. 5 dollars. I thought that this was better than the day before since I could control the amount of money I’m handing over, so I obliged. I was even going to give him $10. As I’m taking out the money out of my wallet, he sees the corner of a $20 bill peek out. Immediately, he doesn’t hesitate to start begging and WHINING for $20. I tell him no as I’m trying to find the $10 bill, and he keeps saying, “Please. I want some money for coffee. Can’t you just give it to me?” I fish through the bills harder and am able to shove out the $10. I give it to him without looking, get my drink, and walk away without looking back. At least compared to the other guy, he knew to say thank you to me.

Of course I was pissed. Wouldn’t you be? I don’t understand how some people are so shameless. I’ve already agreed to give you money. I’ve already agreed to buy you food. Why do you feel the need to still take advantage of me? So badly, I just wanted to leave that guy at Chipotle by himself and let him take care of his own bill. So badly, I just wanted to walk off once that guy started asking me for $20 or at least just thrown the bills in his face before walking off so he can grovel to the ground like he deserves. Why didn’t I? Why do I let all those people that don’t even matter in my life walk all over me? Why am I still worried for Club President and prioritize her livelihood over my own?

I want to start practicing prioritizing myself. If something is inconvenient for me, I should say so rather than moving my schedule around. Even for those friends, Baby, Smartie, and Boss Man. If they make a joke I don’t like or treat me impudently, I should speak up and tell them I don’t like it and demand an apology. And, I always move around people when I’m walking in the streets. I should stand my ground and let them move around me.

I always chalked all of this up as basic human politeness. I know I’m not a nice person, but human politeness is different. Even if you don’t like someone, you can still tell them to fuck off in a polite manner. To me, politeness was something every human deserved, not kindness. But now, it seems like everyone is so ill-mannered nowadays, so I should be too. And be unapologetic about it!

TLDR: bitch learns to become bitchier

-Side tangent over-

I met up with Club President at a coffee shop. She forgot about our appointment and came an hour late. My class was starting soon but I figured there was no way for me to express my feelings/concerns AND drive back in time so I just skipped that class. She came and I immediately put my ‘Heads or Tails’ plan into action and she won. She did get skeptical but I lied and said I found a lucky quarter and just wanted to play for fun. She didn’t think too much into it. I immediately changed the subject and we held the conversation for a good hour and a half.

The talk was boring. She didn’t ask me many questions and since I didn’t want there to be awkward silence, I brought up my customer service skills and started making conversations out of nothing. That’s a talent I’ve learned to hone as a veteran from the customer service industry. I really can just talk about nothing and think of random topics to make the conversation flow on for hours. We did talk about running the club for future events and although Club President is nice, I still think she’s not completely fit for this presidential role. I’m sure she has a lot on her plate and she’s doing the best she can, but because of how many tasks she has to do, there are some things that slip her mind. We were supposed to have a team meeting this week, and she forgot. Luckily that was just going to be over voice call and the other team members probably forgot too since we only meet up once every 2 weeks, but I remembered. When I asked her about it, she read my message, but didn’t reply until the day after. There’s another instance where a professional had emailed me about an upcoming event and I forwarded it to Club President asking fro her guidance since she hadn’t told me enough details, but she didn’t get back to me at all for over a week. Only once I saw and asked her in person at the cafe did she tell me her thoughts. By then, it also looks bad on me, because the professional was just on standby waiting for my response, while I had to wait for Club President to get back to me.

I don’t think I’ll mind being in this club too much, but it probably means that this semester won’t be easy. I don’t know. If the president doesn’t care enough to remember then maybe I shouldn’t either.

TLDR: seems like I’m sticking in this stupid club.