Power of Love

Do you guys know what it feels like to be loved? In the sense of romance? In the sense of family? In the sense of friends? All are different types of love but should have the same underlying bases. People that accept you for who you are and support you unconditionally. People that love you for who you are and want to be around you. “Unconditionally” may be a stretch, but all in all, it’s a heartwarming feeling, knowing there are people there willing to lend you an ear or hand when needed. Pure hearts giving you nothing but their pure love. The underlying tenderness you can feel that everyone there equally has pure intentions to love and have fun while time allows it.

This was a feeling I’ve been reminiscing about for the past year or so. It’s there in my posts. About me missing an old friend group I once had. It’s a fond emotion to suddenly start experiencing again. Like how it disappeared out of the blue, just as instantly the feeling snuck up again in my life.

Friday was my end-of-the-semester Awards Ceremony to host for my club. The day before, I’d already visited the club’s storage unit and had organized everything necessary into my car. Although the event was scheduled for 7pm, I was already there at school by 1:30pm to get ready to set up. For the first 3 hours, I was there alone. It wasn’t difficult to set up, but just time consuming. Most of it was me making back and forth trips to my car. The event space was a long way from the parking lot (since the school only lets teachers/faculty park closer to the buildings, and makes the students park hella far), and our reserved room was on the 3rd floor. Most of the other people in the club still had class and even if they didn’t, I still thought it’d be unfair to ask for their help since it was MY event. Everyone else was able to take care of their own events separately, so I shouldn’t be a baby and ask for help. Anyways, those first 3 hours were just getting the supplies to the room and organizing it all out. Club President came by at 4:30 and then it was more going to her car and getting supplies out. I must’ve made 10+ trips. I was certain my makeup had melted off by then. Such a shame because I spent so much time that morning showering and doing my makeup. Now, I was smelly and greasy. With the last 2 hours, we set up a gifts table for our raffle and the awards for new initiates. If there were more helpers, this would definitely be a faster job, but I didn’t mind it too much. I liked have time in the beginning to myself.

Compared to last semester, they’d hosted their Awards Ceremony at a hotel, had a photo booth, actual trophies, a professional photographer, and had a very professional and uptight feel to the event. This semester’s was done at the school, with no photo booth, but had a much cozier feel. Because the room was smaller, everyone was sitting closer to each other and there was a lot of conversation. We had holiday music playing in the background and it felt more like an “adult party” rather than formal, uptight ceremony. You know at the end of a Disney Channel movie, there's always a party or something where the lead character would see all the people that've helped her throughout the movie all together greeting her one by one? It was a bit like that for me. I was at the reception table signing everyone in so I was able to see all the faces that have helped me throughout this semester again and make small talk.

At the end, I thought everyone would just leave and it would be me packing up everything to my car again like that morning. Surprisingly, almost 10 people stayed back to help me; people I’ve talked to at office tours, people I’ve had conversations with at tech meetings, and people that experienced the corn maze with me. I thought all those tiny connections were nothing, but those people actually lent me a hand in the end. So, as a big group, everyone each had a box in their hands, and followed me to my car with me in the front leading the way. I thought those relationships I made with those people were weak and easy to throw away. Maybe it was just me that thought that way about them. Yes, this is a very small circumstance, but I really just expected everyone to eat, have their fill, and leave. Maybe some people that I was closer to like Club President or VP of Tech Meetings might stay to help, but for all those people I’ve reached out to over the semester, to come together and help me out at the very end, just left a warm feeling in my heart. It possibly would’ve been different if everyone left right after stuffing everything in my trunk, but they actually stayed for an extra 20 minutes in front of my car just to talk and mingle. Embarrassing to admit, but Club President then initiated a group hug to everyone, and I don’t know who started it, but then I was pushed to the center and everyone hugged me. Writing it out, it sounds like lame lie.

Friends? Would I have considered those people my friends? All the effort I’ve been putting into the club ever since last semester to make new connections…I didn’t think it would actually happen. Joining the club, this was never my goal. I just wanted to learn more about my major. This was so unexpected. When I was busy moping about missing old friends, I failed to realize the new relationships I was making. It’s a bit bittersweet. I’m graduating in a few weeks, but I don’t want to let these people go just yet. If I stay another semester, can I be better friends with them? Can I turn these relationships to become friendships of a lifetime? There’s still so much I want to do. But, I remember better than everyone else, these types of friendships are circumstantial. Yes, they’re people that want the best for me (those that I’ve really gotten close to), but the future is so expansive. If it wasn’t my graduation, down the line, it could be a job relocation, and we’d inevitably have to say goodbye again.

I appreciate everything the people in this club has let me experience. All through college, there were superficial friendships that lasted just as long as the class called for. Next week, Club President wants to come to my house to play. It’s a 40 minute drive but she really wants to hangout with me outside of school. I’ve just been putting it off for a while because I was unsure if that’s what she genuinely wanted or if she was saying it just to say it.

As much as I want to be closer to those people, I know my boundaries. As a lesson I’ve learned from my older friendships, I shouldn’t try to hold on too much. It’s just make the goodbyes even sadder.

TLDR: I made friends, but I’ll need to say goodbye again.