Playing Hooky and Not Being a Social Pariah

The other day was my first time skipping class just to hang out with friends (in college that is). After my class, there was going to be a tech meeting with some professionals for my club. As my first class ended, some club members decided to hang out together to wait until the tech meeting started. I had another class right after but I didn’t want to pass up this opportunity to actually socialize. I can’t be some awkward bitch in the club for the whole semester. If I’m going to be in this club, I should at least put in more effort to getting to know other club members. By the time my second class ended, it would been at the exact time the tech meeting starts, but it’s not like I can talk to any of them in the middle of a presentation.

I played hooky. My grade took a 2 percent dive, but the goods seemed to outweigh the cost. There was Club President, Internal Audit, Treasurer, and VP of Tech Meetings. Treasurer had to leave after a while of hanging out, but even though we were just “hanging out” we stilled talked over some club issues. Still productive so this wouldn’t be a total lost for me. Internal Audit had bought a pizza from the restaurant on campus and shared it with us. It was fun.

After my recent experiences with Baby, Smartie, and Boss Man, and another friend group I once had a while back but lost, this was a nostalgic feeling. The feeling of having a group of friends together, getting to know everyone, and having nothing but fun experiences. The exact moment when you get over everyone’s walls and you guys can just have fun together. Of course being by yourself is perfectly fine, but the feeling of being able to share an experience with so many different people is golden. It’s been so long since I’ve had that type of emotion that it just tickled my heart a bit. A moment forever ingrained in my mind, when the end of summer had just begun, when the weather was just right, and everyone had a smile on their face.

The past year, I’ve hung out with friends, but it was mostly one-on-one. Other than with Baby, Smartie, and Boss Man, it’d just be me and Metal catching a movie, or me and Pretty going shopping, or me and some other friend going to a restaurant. As much as I miss this feeling, I’m also more aware of what this might bring. If I fall in too hard, I might make the same mistakes again. If I get too attached, what if everyone leaves? Not because we all start to hate each other or anything, but life just gets in the way. Of course it’s going to happen. We’re all going to work at different places. Right now we’re only together because of the circumstances we’re in, but those circumstances are very fragile. Club President and Internal Audit are still going to be in school, but VP of Tech Meetings and I are graduating this semester. Should I deceive myself? Let myself fall in and have all the fun? But I’ve done that before, and that just resulted in a broken heart once everyone grew too distant. But should I deny myself of this short happiness?

Anyways.

Once the time got closer to the time of the tech meeting, we split up. VP of Tech Meetings went to the conference room first to set up the projector. Internal Audit and I followed Club President to her car to help bring in supplies. It was fun. We talked about fun nonsense and that was more than enough. Once we got to the conference room, we had to act more professional, being in front of our company sponsors and all, so our fun talk had to die down.

Compared to me, those other people could carry themselves. They weren’t scared to talk to new people and even mingle with the professionals. I didn’t want to follow any of them or stick by them because it might make them feel like I was a useless thorn on their side. I didn’t want them to need to babysit me, so when no one would be looking, I’d sneak away for short intervals of time. There were 2 companies and after each presentation they gave, there’d be a 15-20 minute session left for networking. Each time, I’d slip out and just wander the floor to kill the time.

Although I had some personal disdain for Club President on how she’s running some things, she’s really not a bad person. Her as a person is great. She’s very sweet and nice. She just isn’t managing the club well and that’s making my job harder. VP of Tech Meetings had also expressed some of the same feelings to me. He does seem more annoyed about it than me though.

TLDR: I’m scared to make new friends, but I want to, but I’m scared, but I want to.