Highly Unlikely Statistics

I’m so amazed at how many people on here take my side. For all you know, I could be a villain masked as a victim in these stories I write. Just because of how I structure my words, I suddenly seem so pitiful. I do think about my situations and try to see from an outside point of view. For my ungrateful aunt, uncle, cousin, and communal narcissistic sister (thanks for that @fleur) it seems highly unlikely that those people are all the ones at fault. The common denominator in these situations is me. It’s more likely that I’m the one in the wrong and I’m just projecting the blame on those people. I don’t know anymore. I feel like my emotions are justified, but for all of those people to be at blame seems statically highly unlikely. Those people get along with each other fine. It’s just me that seems to not like them.

For simplicity’s sake, I’ll just acknowledge it. I’m the one in the wrong. Moving your whole life over to a different country is difficult to adjust to, and having a little sister complaining all day is probably annoying. I just don’t know anymore. Am I maybe just hard to live with? I don’t know.

It’s been so long since I’ve had thoughts like these but I don’t think I want to be here anymore. I don’t know if that means I want to die or if I just want to run away. Maybe move and live in another country? Or is it easier to just die?

I never asked for so much responsibility. I hate kids but sudden I have a little cousin I need to look after. I’m a self-serving bitch but suddenly I’m at other people’s beck and call to go run their errands or to buy food for them. I hate waking up and hearing my aunt screaming to her brother about how there’s no food, so everyday, I try to stay out of the house for as long as possible. All more, I’m doing everything for people that are completely ungrateful. Even hearing their voices is unbearable to me and makes me want to go crazy.

If I tell everyone I want to be left alone and for no one to bother me, I get told that I’m being immature and need to grow up. It’s true. I’m older now so I should handle these responsibilities, and I shouldn’t tell an 11 year old kid to never talk to me again, but I hate it. I don’t like to be bothered. I don’t like it when that kid lies to me. I don’t like those people when they don’t even know how to say thank you.

It’s not even been a year but I hate this so much. I want to go away. I want to leave this behind. I don’t want to have to deal with this anymore. I’m an unkind person that only knows to lookout for myself and my own happiness. I’m selfish and immature. I want to leave.

TLDR: I’m a whiny bitch that can’t pull up her own pants.