Falling in Love with You

I fall in love very easy. I wouldn’t really call it love but maybe more like an infatuation. I’d even encourage myself to find more guys to have a crush on. Because I get so easily bored with my life, having a crush on someone makes it more interesting. I love the feeling of liking someone. It gives me a reason to look forward to the day and a reason to work on myself. It’s not really to try and find the validation from guys, but more so I can have an excitement in my life.

It encourages me to wake up earlier, to make myself clean, to make me put on makeup, to put on my best clothes, and to be the best version of myself so I can “impress the guy”. I love the anticipation of thinking, “Will he be in class today? Is he going to sit next to me? Will he look at me? Does he feel the same way I do?” If he’s nice to me, it makes me wonder if he’s nice to everyone or if he just particularly likes me too.

I try to use my addiction to this feeling at my advantage. Each semester, in every class, I’d try to find one boy to have a crush on. This way, it’d motivate to me keep going to my classes. I’d think, if I skip class, I won’t be able to see him today. If I can, and if the professor is male, I’ll push myself to have a crush on the professor. By doing so I’d want to always keep my attention at the professor and that helps me study. I’ll always be paying attention to class and that will help me learn.

Most of the times, I genuinely don’t care if they like me back or not. I’m more into the feeling of not knowing. The feeling of my heart beating faster when he walks by, holding my breath in shock if he decides to converse with me, or the body heat increasing as we need to scoot closer to whisper within the auditorium. The complex feelings of a young heart unknowing if the feelings are reciprocated. My fantasy gets broken if I ever get to know their answer. The mysteriousness of having a crush goes away. My suspicions would be confirmed and it’s no longer fun.

Although, no one should really feel flattered if they find out I have a crush on them because I’d like anyone that has a dick. Honestly the list of crushes I’ve had throughout my life is REALLY long. Sadly, it doesn’t take a lot to impress me. But, luckily, that also means I can get over these feeling for someone just as quick and simple.

TLDR: I fall in love easily and use it to my advantage.