All Hell Breaks Loose (Part 4: The Finale)
Before the trip, my cousin got an invite from one of her friends for an after school party. Since it was on Friday, the same day I’d be leaving for the trip, I told her she couldn’t go. I explained to her how sorry I was and how much I knew she wants to go, since this would be her first time in over a year since she’s immigrated to America that she’s made close friends. She couldn’t go because there would be no one to take her to the party (yes my dad is there but he has a thing of '"not his kid, not his problem"), we haven’t been introduced to the friend or their parents, and just the fact that it’s too dangerous due to so much unsupervision (if that’s even a word) on our part. My cousin tries to explain that she can just walk to her friend’s house with her since it’s close to the school, but my cousin doesn’t have a phone yet and we won’t know her whereabouts during that time. The time we believe she’s at the party, in reality, both her and her friend could’ve gotten snatched off the side of the road or gotten into some type of accident. There were just too many peril probabilities at stake to make us feel secure in any way that something bad wouldn’t happen to her.
I explained all of this to her and even though she shed a few tears, she understood she wasn’t allowed to go. Fast forward to Friday, I’m with my friend at the anime convention when I get a call from my dad. Usually, she gets home at 2:30pm, but at 2:45pm she hasn’t shown up. We both speculate she’s at that party. I get fucking pissed. It’s not like I was a complete bitch and just told her “No, you can’t go because I said so.” I went into detail explaining the dangers and showed some sympathy towards her and she still went. My dad is at home but he can’t do anything since he doesn’t know where the party is taking place. I have the address since I searched it up when I saw it on the invitation, but right now, I’m fucking an hour and a half’s drive away. I do send the address to my dad, but his incompetence with the modern day’s technology probably makes this address useless anyways.
My dad calls me, and then I call my mom, because I’m also at a loss of what to do. Maybe she isn’t even at the party and she got kidnapped walking home? Do I call the police? Will I get CPS fucking called on my ass because of this? I feel bad for my friend because this was supposed to be a relaxing getaway for the both of us, but now, my stress is also stressing her out. My mom is also at a loss and conclude that all we should do now is wait.
At 3:15pm, I get a call from my dad. She’s home! My cousin is home… with a bag of chips in one hand and an Icee drink in the other. My dad’s voice is ice cold on the line. He said her excuse for being late was that the teacher made the class stay back to pick up trash off the floor and when walking home, she was behind 2 very slow people. She says she got the food from her teacher as a ‘thank you for help cleaning up the class’. This is so obviously a lie, but I’m not there to yell at her and my dad is done with her ass. Again, his logic is “not my kid, not my problem”. I speed dial my mom to let her know that my cousin is home and safe. I continue on with my trip and apologize to my friend for the hiccup.
~
The next night, I call my mom to see how the situation is. My mom is gullible and even tells me, “Lia, I think she might be telling the truth.”
I have to explain to her, “Mom, the school gets out at 2:20pm, it takes her 10 minutes to walk home, in what world would it be legal for a teacher to keep his class back for over 30 minutes? Also, if he was so mad at the class, why would he then be so gracious to give them snacks?” A light bulb hits her head and her critical thinking skills comes back into use. My mother then clarifies that she just wants to hear my cousin out, because as badly as we want to yell at her or give her a beating, it would be an extremely traumatizing event if my cousin really was innocent.
After the call, I do quick math; adding up the time it would take to walk from the school to her friend’s house, and to their house to our house, and the numbers check out.
~
I get home at night a few days later. I bring my cousin into my room and pretend to be all smiles, “Tell me the truth. Did you go to the party? If you did, you should tell me so I can help you lie to my mom.” She denies it at first, but with a little more pushing, she confesses. At that time, I was too tired. I was mad for sure, but after a long day, I was too tired to get angry. I was still nice to her and told her I had presents for her which I’ll keep until Christmas, but I also let her know that after some rest, she was going to get it the next day.
~
The next day, I wait for my mom, uncle, and aunt to leave for the week to take care of my sick relative a few cities over. I’ve gotten the blessing from both my mom and my uncle that I’m allowed to beat her ass if she acts up. I know people don’t condone hitting kids (or any one in that matter) but this is how I discipline. If anyone else hates it, they can feel free to take this kid away and raise her yourself. But, because I’m everyone’s last resort, they know how much I dislike children and I warn people that if I’m forced to look over a kid, I’ll do it my way.
I was hit as a kid, too. Does this justify me hitting my cousin, too? No. But, I do know that it set me straight. Plus, I’m too mad and clearly, speaking to her and letting her understand the situation didn’t work.
After everyone leaves, I call her up to my room. I pretend to play nice again and ask her how her day was and what she was thinking of today. She replies that today was fine and she wasn’t thinking of anything. This is evident as just a few hours earlier I heard her in her room singing at the top of her lungs without a care in the world, and she was playing with a new toy that my sister had bought for her over the weekend at the kitchen table. I slowly ease into it, yelling at her for disobeying us. She begins to cry already but this was just the start.
I continue to get into it. I yell at her stupidity that puts everyone else’s livelihood at stake. My mom just sponsored her and her family over, so for the next 5 years, any mishap that they do will fall on my mom’s shoulders and not theirs. Also, if something did happen to her and the cops and CPS has to be called, my dad and I will be questioned. “Why weren’t you watching the kid? Why were you careless?” I’ve lived a pretty good life for 22 years not doing drugs and getting straight A’s for most of my academic life, and it’ll all be brought down by some kid? Because of her disobedience, I’ll have to take the fall? And now her dad doesn’t even trust that I can take care of his kid. Coming from that cheapskate himself, when he leaves her no money and she’s starving at home, I still take her out and buy her food from my own bank account. And when it comes to her school issues, I’m the one that goes in to meet with the teachers and faculty. Yet now, her dad doesn’t trust me and refuses to leave her side. So that means, next week, he won’t go with my mom and aunt to help take care of that sick relative. Taking care of that relative is a big job. We need him there since he’s the only one that's strong enough to carry her and to take care of her when my mom is at work. My aunt can’t do it on her own, and my mom can only do so much when she’s there. This mean, we just have to tell that relative “tough shit”. So because of my cousins mindlessness, she’s affecting me, my mom, her dad, my dad, and that relative’s livelihood.
She is just responsible for walking herself to and from school and she can’t even be trusted with that. 12 years old is young, yes, but it’s also old enough for at least a little responsibility. It’s not like we ask her to even wash her own dishes or to take the trash out. She has no chores in this house, yet the little trust and responsibility we give her, is broken within a month. At her school, I’m labeled as her primary guardian, so if anything happens between her leaving school property and getting home, it’ll be on my ass. So now, I need to personally take her to school and take her home because I can’t trust that she won’t do anything stupid like that again.
At the climax of my anger, I pull out a stick and am about to whack her in the calf with it and guess what she does. SHE FUCKING DODGES IT! Never have I ever seen this behavior before. If I was a kid and dodged my parent’s whooping, they’d whoop me even harder. Not gonna lie, it made me laugh a bit about the sheer audacity. I tell her to stand straight and I raise the stick again when she calls out through muffled tears, “Make sure to hit me softly, I don’t want to get hurt.”
WHAT??? Somebody better take this kid away before I turn her back black and blue (empty threats, this is just to convey my anger). I get even more mad and ask her if she thinks it’s okay for everyone one else to get hurt from her decisions, but not her. Everyone else will have to suffer the repercussions of her carelessness, but not her, because she doesn’t like getting hurt? I was about to blow my fucking top off.
My mind was so blown. I start asking her if she had fun lying to all the adults. She lied to each and every single adult without remorse for her actions, and when my sister visited the house that weekend and took her out shopping, she got rewarded with a toy. I asked her if it felt nice to play with that toy while thinking she’s so much smarter that she was able to pull one over on all the adults. I raise the stick again and this is when she finally says sorry. She cries, says sorry, and pleads that she’ll do anything and just doesn’t want to get hit. She’s done this before. When she got caught lying one of the other times, she said the same thing. That time, me and my mom let her go, thinking maybe she’s learned her lesson, but not 2 weeks later, look, she lied to us again. At a point, we’re mad about her lying to us. Of course we’d be mad either way, but if she came home and was honest to us, we’d understand just a little bit. And we’ve had multiple conversations about her lying habits and had tried to fix it, but it’s not like she has been listening. So, even though I raise the stick again, she still squirms and dodge.
I’m getting angrier at this point and just ask her, “Choose. Where do you want to get hit? The calves, your arm, your back, or your butt? Choose it yourself.” We settle on the butt and I know it’s because she thinks her jean shorts will act as a padding so it will hurt less. I tell her to pull those shorts down a bit (leaving her underwear there, I just need the stick to have skin contact). She reluctantly does it and I whoop her 3 quick times while yelling at her.
It’s not like I’m some sadist that enjoys putting kids in pain, so I stop at 3. It’s just enough for her to know how serious this was. Before I let her go back to her room, I tell her that she can fuck up her life all she wants. It’s not that I’m scared of her derailing and being a teen mom or high school drop out or whatever. I don’t care that she went to a party. I care that because of her, now my life will be harder. She put my life at stake and cost me a hassle that could’ve been avoided. I told her once she’s over 18 and legally not under anyone’s care anymore, I don’t care what she does with her life, but while she’s under 18, she can’t bring down my life and everyone one else’s without any consequences.
TLDR: I’m in an abusive home, but I’m the abuser.