Life’s Too Boring? Let’s Have Fun in Our Dreams Instead!

When I was younger, I’ve only ever had 2 lucid dreams. It was fun. If I wanted the power to fly, I could fly. If I wanted to change my shirt to purple, it was purple. As I got older, I guess childhood imaginations die and I never was able to experience lucid dreaming again. I heard some YouTube videos and read some articles that if you kept a dream journal then it’ll slowly build your tolerance for control over your dreams. I started keeping one in junior year and lasted a good year. After I wake up, I instantly began trying to write down what I could recall. Sometimes writing would get too long so I started typing the prompts into my phone for efficiency.

I still never lucid dreamed. Instead, I just started getting really good at remembering the details of each dream. I started to enjoy going to sleep. It meant that each night I could be transported into a new adventure that I can remember and recall in the morning. Fantastical dreams were my favorite. Having powers or having the ability to turn into a mermaid was always fun. The nights were replayed so vividly in my mind and I really felt as if I was living in the dreams. Gliding through the cold water and feeling each scale on my fingertips as I ran my hands across my tail. Surprisingly, I never had a dream about becoming a fairy. Zombie apocalypses were a regular occurrence, too.

After a year, I started remembering too many dreams and in too much detail. I got lazy, stopped recording each one, and threw them to the side. This didn’t stop me. What’s the first line in the title of this post? LIFE’S TOO BORING!

A few years later, I found one summer break particularly too dull. I needed to pass the time and that was before I got into TikTok and gaming. I wasn’t suicidal or anything. If anything, actually, I started doing this AFTER my suicide attempt. At my local Target, the bottle of sleeping pills seemed tempting. After that, every other day that I found myself with too much time and nothing to do, I’d take some sleeping pills to knock myself out. I slowly tried building my tolerance. Although only 2 pills are recommended, I once took 5 just to see how long I can get knocked out for. It was straight noon and I wasn’t sleepy in the slightest, but I wanted to see if it could take me out for the whole day (spoiler alert: no, but I was gone for 7 hours). After taking sleeping pills, whether it was a small or large amount, I always found it extremely difficult to wake back up. Even if I got over 12 hours of sleep, the pills kept me wanting to sleep longer and longer. By the time my last alarm rang, I’d have to pull myself up and into the shower. The whole time showering, I’d just be hit with raging headaches.

I learned that I’d have different types of dreams based on when I took the pill. If it correlated with the time I would normally go to sleep, my dreams were constant. If I took a sleeping pill at an oddball hour like 3pm, then my dreams would make me feel trapped. They were dreams but it felt so realistic. Even in my dream, I was convinced it was reality, yet it was a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. The nightmare would always take place in my bedroom. Someone would always come in my room, “wake” me up and then a nightmare would begin. Because in the beginning, someone had “woken” me up, that’s what made me believe the dream was reality. It seems pretty similar to the movie, “Inception” now that I think about it.

Sleeping without pills is difficult for me. I like it completely pitch black and pin-quiet. If the AC or fan is on, I keep focusing on the noise. If the sound of the fan ever fades since I’m slipping out of consciousness, I notice the disappearance, and it would rattle my mind awake until I hear the sound of the fan again. I even get annoyed at the sound of my own breathing. If my nose has the slightest whistle, it irritates me out of my mind. That’s also what prompted me to get slightly addicted to allergy medications. Cetirizine, specifically, would stop my stuffy/runny noses and made my breathing better. Due to its antihistamine properties, long-term use is not recommended, but the feeling of being “better” was so addicting. I eventually stopped after outweighing the pros and cons.

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Well anyways, I still have some of my old dreams in my phone. Here’s one of them.

“It was dark and I needed a ride home. 2 men offered to take me home and I complied. In the car we were talking and found out we all played Mobile Legends. They were surprised that I played but I told them I was low ranked. They stopped for some reason and Jasmine showed up in her car. The two guys and I got off the car but still left the engine on. Jasmine went in the car and bet that I couldn't hang on to the outside of the car while she drove it around in circles. I took the bet and the car stayed in one place but was spinning uncontrollably. I got too dizzy when she suddenly hit the brakes and I flew off, hit my head, and passed out.

I was passed out but I could still think a little and hear my breathing. It felt like days but I was only out for 10 minutes. One of the guys that was driving me before was a god "Socrates" (not a real Greek God irl) and felt sorry for me. Other Gods gathered around me. He felt sorry for me so he gave me his power in order for me to survive. Another God saw what he did and gave him some of his power for being so caring so Socrates kinda "leveled up". I woke up right there on the streets, didn't see the other gods, didn't know that a god gave me his power, and just immediately saw Jasmine and got mad. I yelled at her. Years passed from that day I was living well off. I found out a God gave me his powers cause duh outta no where I can do magical shit. I was living lavishly and I could fly.”