Happy One Year Anniversary!: Turning over a new leaf
None of you probably keep track but this post would mark my one year of posting here on AnonBlogs. Yea okay I technically took a 6 week break but other than that, I would consider myself to be a very consistent blogger. This is the most effort I’ve ever kept for anything. My relationships last less than 5 months, my work history all last 6 months or less, and even with physical diaries, I give up after 3 months. This is the most commitment I’ve ever had. And you all know my deepest darkest secrets. Well, not all of them, but a good chunk. There are just some things that are too embarrassing to write out.
To commemorate this day, I decided to take a look at my first ever diary entry on here. My god was I appalled. Why did none of you smack some sense into me? The first few paragraphs were objective as it just recaps my thoughts and actions of when I was younger, but that last paragraph of mine was absolutely foul. I sound like a pathetic female incel (idk if there’s a slang word for that) that needs to experience being slapped in the fucking face for once. Why did no one call me out? That’s a lie. There were one or two comments. But why didn’t MORE people call me out for my stupidity?! You know, I want to make excuses for my terrible way of thinking, but I can’t even find one. I really was just ignorant. There’s no other excuse. If this shows up in court, I won’t even try to fight it. Guilty as charged. (Here is a link for that first post for those that also want a sneak peek of what I wrote: http://liaa.anonblogd4pcarck2ff6qlseyawjljaatp6wjq6rqpet2wfuoom42kyd.onion/p/turning-old )
On the bright side, keeping a diary like this can help document your growth. It should be a good thing that I can independently review my past thoughts and know that they were right or wrong. It’s proof of personal growth. Whether that growth is in the right or wrong direction, I don’t really know. I’d like to believe I’m growing in the right direction since I can feel regret and remorse for what I previously wrote, but I guess I won’t know until I grow a bit more.
So, what’s happened in this year with AnonBlogs? I’ve graduated college. Most of you have probably read through a good handful of my posts of dreading exams and finals. Thank you for being there to experience that with me. I’ve lost some friends, but made new ones along the way. Due to some small recent events, I have a good feeling my ties with Baby, Boss Man, and Smartie are severed. I doubt it can be completely severed due to all of our mothers being friends, but at least they’re barely cordial. Besides them, I’m glad to have gotten in contact with older friends and have gotten out of my shell to become friends with Club President, Gretchen, and a new girl (Coffee). I got an office job. Although I don’t start until the last quarter of the year, my career is finally beginning. With that, I’ll finally be able to move out of this house. Where last year I was dreading this house and the family members living in it, within just a couple of months, I’ll be out and on my own (mostly).
I’m not saying I’m all of the sudden this loving righteous motivational speaker. No. To my very core, I am a hater. Even till I die, I'll stay a bitter bitch through teeth and bone. Some of the readers now most likely have just found me through one of my posts and have stayed for the ride, but I’m unsure if there’s still a dedicated reader that was there from the very first diary entry. I’d like to think that posting made it easier for me to change. As if having an audience made me want to prove something? Even if it was unintentional.
People say change is good, and only some touch upon how scary it is to begin changing. I was changing myself everyday this year but I didn’t even know it until now. Looking back, I was only doing small step-by-step routine things that I thought would amount to nothing. Even if someone were to ask me about it now, I can’t say there was a moment in the last year that I “jumped out” and did something out of the ordinary.
What about you?