Does Hate Go Away?

I don’t feel angry anymore. I used to be so mad at Smartie, Baby, and Boss Man, and up until very recently too. At that last post I made about them maybe 2 or 3 months ago, I was fuming. I wished hell on them. But now, I just can’t care. Now listen, no way am I wishing the best for them, no they can go fuck themselves, but at the same time, I can’t find myself to care to wish them hell either. I don’t care what they say or think anymore. Genuinely. And all of this just clicked out of no where. It’s not like this was some issue I’ve been working on. This just became a random thought out of the blue last week. I thought my feelings might be playing a trick on me, but no. After one week, I really don’t even care.

After my last post about them, sometime within a week after, I saw that Smartie unfollowed me on Instagram and took me off her following list as well. MAN I STARTED SPIRALING LOOOOOL. After my entire post saying I’ll try to stop caring about them, her doing that, made me more on edge. “Why did she do it? What did I do? What did they even talk about for her to take me off when we haven’t even talked/seen each other in over a year? How is she still going to follow her sister’s abusive ex-boyfriend and let him follow her, yet she decided to take ME off?” But, slowly I worked through it.

And when I had my revelation last week, within the same week (man it’s like these ladies can read my mind or something), Baby blocked me on her account as well. I mean at least she had the decency to block me, because after Smartie took me off, I still kept seeing Smartie’s account being advertised to me as “People you may know and want to follow” on my Instagram feed. But, this time with Baby, I genuinely just didn’t care. Maybe it’s because I finally stopped hiding my stories from their feeds, and they could finally see the life I’m living that got her irritated, or maybe she deleted her account, or honestly I don’t know what, but I don’t care what they do or say now. Boss Man is the only one still left on my following list.

Although I was hurt by them a lot, I don’t get so worked up thinking about their mistreatment to me anymore. I think if I see them on the streets now, I can have a genuine smile on my face. For some reason, my brain is just classifying them as “people I once knew” and would be sunny (not happy) to see “old friends”. Of course, it’ll be court and casual and everyone will have their walls up, but that seedling of anger/resentment/hatred, just decayed and disappeared. Will it ever reappear?

I’m growing up. I’m happy. I’m loved. And I’m so appreciative of what I have now that I genuinely can’t spare the extra time or feelings to hold on the grudge.